Explore Dr. Wayne Pernell's journey in the Coaching Industry

When I heard the word ‘rootless’, I felt two things. One was a deep sense of compassion and the other was this soft refection about where I’ve been. Do we need roots? Growing up, I actually had roots. I was taught by my parents, especially my dad. You give a child two things: roots and wings, so that they always have a place to come back to but also to be able to fly at some point. To a degree, I think I held on to my roots for too long. The idea of being able to uproot and land and do it again, the ability to be in this world, this space, of thinking “I am solid no matter where I am” is so powerful. To be rootless means just to be powerful as you, to show up in your powerful space. Those that feel like they’re being blown around because they’re rootless, like they’re less than grounded shouldn’t worry. There’s room for them too. That’s what this community is about, making you feel like you can come back and know you have a place. – Wayne Pernell

I grew up in Southern California, in a fairly affluent area where privilege was a thing. As I got into my teenage years, I started to realize that I had many advantages that so many others didn’t. As I grew, I was taught up that I was definitely going to college, there was no other choice. That was the only path. It’s very interesting, I think I became a late bloomer because of that. My perspective of the world was very myopic, closed in, was all about the “should” and “supposed to”. Achievement was supposed to look a certain way. It wasn’t until later that I learned and truly accepted that achievement looks very different to every individual. It could and should. Creative expression is really part of achievement, I could always see it as a part of me and I integrated that in three of my books. Being an international number one best-selling author is a level of achievement. That took intention, being deliberate and I believe anybody can get there. I also believe that early on, I was encouraged to have creativity, follow my path. I don’t know if everybody who feels rootless has the encouragement or grew up with it. The value of this community is that we can encourage each other, doesn’t matter where you are or where you start. I went on, I got my doctor in clinical psychology and I went on from there. – Wayne Pernell

My journey began in the seventh grade. It was Career Day at school and this guy comes in a tweed jacket with leather elbow patches, sits on the desk and tells us what it is to be a psychologist. I was amazed from learning you can talk to people and actually make them feel better. Somehow, I had always been good at that. I was about 12 years old at that ime and I realized that was my path, that’s what I wanted to do. I actually felt that as almost like a calling, like I was being pulled at that point. Going through high school, I started studying everything I could: hypnosis, sleep, etc. Altered state of consciousness was something that appealed to me without doing drugs. It seemed amazing learning how much we could achieve. My parents supported me all the way. We’d go to the bookstore or to the library. It was amazing to be encouraged that way. I took over my high school class. I was allowed to teach for a week. I went on in college, I earned my Bachelor in Psychology, Masters in Clinical Psychology and Doctorate in Clinical Psychology. I’ll also tell the story of how I went through the breakthrough success coach phase. I used to do couple’s work in graduate school. I was doing counseling work and this guy calls me and thanks me for the work I had done for the work done with him and his wife. I thought that was a great call. To be called and thanked for your work is a great thing. He then proceeded to say that thanking me was not why he was calling. He asked me to do the work I had done with him and his wife but this time do it with him and the company’s vice president. Part of me was scared to death and part of me was excited. I showed up and began doing communication work, checking if they understood what each other’s values were, what the company values were. I began setting a strategy plan, the line and staff thanked me for showing up because the senior leadership had become clearer about the direction of the company. From there I went on to do the same thing with major companies like Wholefoods Market, Triple A, and the list goes on. I have had the privilege of being able to work with senior leaders in some major companies. That too is because of intention. – Wayne Pernell

One of my speech is on leadership. I talk about three characteristics of leadership and I am pretty sure they come out from me. I will share them briefly here. The idea is, I have three core values in terms of what drives me and what allows me to step in a leadership role. The first one is clarity. If you’re not clear about who you are and what you value, how you want to show up, no one is going to be clearer for you. Otherwise, you’re somebody else’s “should”. Who do you want to be? What do you truly value? Who do you want to become? Who you are now is this person based on this person of who you’ve been. Who do you need to become? Where do you begin to act, respond and think? Again, think clearly on what’s in and out, who’s in and who’s out. It’s who you’re surrounding yourself with that could lift you to another level and/or support you. If nothing else, they can be a cheerleader for you. The second one is communication. It’s one thing for you to know but another thing for you to say. Let other people need to know what you value. As soon as you start doing that, people will resonate with that and will be attracted to it. If you’re not talking about this great idea, no one knows it, it’s just a wish. When you start talking about what you value you’ll see who’s in and who’s out. The last one is curiosity. A state of wonder will keep you out of judgment. There may be people who may judge why someone’s acting a certain way. If you put a different tone on it and sincerely ask what’s going on with someone that they choose to show up with that, you’ll realize they must be in a lot of pain. I don’t get mad if a driver cuts me off at the road because I know that driver didn’t wake up thinking how to piss me off, it’s not personal. I always wonder what’s going on with that person that they’re driving that way. I pray for them, I wish them good luck and that they arrive safely. These are some of the layers of understanding what a breakthrough coach is. I overlaid breakthrough coaching onto the clinical psychology piece. I think psychology goes back to your relationship with your mother, father, all the trauma you’ve experienced. For me, it has more to do about the present. Let’s see at what got you here, what your strengths are, where you’re going, leverage where you are or go back if you will. Otherwise we’re going to add rocket fuel to where you are. That’s what breakthrough coaching is. When I’m working with people and they’re stuck is because they have an old story that they have turned into rules for themselves. It’s not their voice they’re hearing anymore. That’s the work. If you’re feeling stuck listen to that voice telling you that you can’t do it and figure out whether it’s yours or someone else’s. – Wayne Pernell

The first business idea was selling nectarines when I was 5 years old. I put them on a basket they were 3 cents each or 2 for a nickel. I was a cute adorable kid with big eyes and gigantic ears. People would buy my basket and that was my first business. At this point, I thought I was going to be the traditional psychologist. The story I told about the guy that called me happened 35 years ago. That was the left turn, the big detour in my path that has allowed me to leapfrog into doing different things. I ended up building my business. At the same time, I held jobs along the way. So, I worked for various companies along the way while I still had my side hustle, my one passion, which was wanting to help people individually. Even if I’m working for a big company, I want to help people whether it’s about helping and stepping in for leadership in organization or that one person who is struggling to figure it out. I knew that was part of my path along the way. I found my true calling when I was in my twenties. I think most people now hold a job for a year and see where it takes them. Growing up, my idea was to find a career path and stay on it. So, it was really unusual for me to feel rootless. I would hold a job for a year or a year and a half and then find a different one. That was my path. I didn’t have a career, I was just showing up and punching the clock. I didn’t build my psychotherapy practice because of that phone call. In fact, I chose not to become a licensed psychologist but instead to leverage my knowledge into the business arena. That was gutsy too. – Wayne Pernell

I think it has more to do with faith, believing that I was on the right path. It sounds very spiritual to say that but it really was about having more faith in myself. There is support and guidance beyond but I began to realize that being locked into an office and trying to build a practice no longer felt right. So, pay attention to the language in your head. If you’re hearing “shoulds”, you’re probably in the wrong path. If you start “should-ing” all over yourself, you’re going to end up in a really small world. Early on, I really believed I was bigger than any job I held. I also believed that every job I held got me to the next level. So, I was never really resentful towards them. I always thought about what I was learning there that I could leverage. I thought: “What can I do that grows me and helps me serves other people?” – Wayne Pernell

There were a few things going on. So, I earned the doctorate and being a doctor actually opened certain doors. There was a certain amount of prestige to apply for a position in a company as Dr. Pernell. I actually had to learn to let go of that in so many ways. That felt so freeing. The doctor part wasn’t my name. These days I go by Dr. P.  People call me Dr. Wayne or Wayne. I find a lot of people want to acknowledge titles. Dr. Pernell always sounded too formal for me. The people around me appreciated that I was going for certain senior level positions. I became the administrator of Locke Psychiatric facility. The jobs I held were in senior level position where I was working with other senior level leaders. There were times I almost felt like apologizing for it when I realized I had actually earned it. That’s the lesson along the way. Where you are, you’ve earned and where you’re going, you are earning. What’s funny is that there’s a certain amount of insecurity in me. I’ve really considered that I should maybe get a MBA, that the doctorate was not enough. I had to actually talk myself out of that multiple times. I am good enough showing up to do the work I do with or without a degree, MBA or doctorate. I don’t need an MBA to be in the business world. I began looking for evidence of that and I found it. There have been plenty of people I have interacted with while not having an MBA, maybe the PhD is enough, maybe is too much. I’ve never actually shared this in an interview. What I’m bringing up is that even people with degrees have a certain level of insecurity in their path. It took me a long time to get to a place of just landing to who I am and be okay with not having a true definition of me right now. As ‘right now’ constantly changes, the definition of me changes and that’s another life lesson in many ways. Allow yourself the ability to be bigger than you were yesterday. Allow yourself the growth. If you’re not growing, you’re backsliding and basically dying if you’re choosing not to grow personally. For me, it’s about figuring out what my next level of growth is? I always keep that in mind, that’s what’s most important. – Wayne Pernell

At first, I didn’t know where to start. I was almost allergic to the term ‘coach’ because everybody and their dog wants to be a life coach. I know so much, I can guide other people. When I see someone in their early 20s who wants to be a life coach, it gives me hives. You don’t have enough life behind you to be a life coach unless you want to mentor somebody who’s coming through their teens. Get a little experience behind you and become a different kind of coach. I chose to be a breakthrough coach. I was a high performance leadership advisor. I chose different titles until I landed on “breakthrough success coach”. I started looking at what my patterns of success were with my clients. Every single one of them had a breakthrough, every one heightened their target and level of success. I basically called myself by the results that I had been getting. So, what results are you getting in your life with people you’re engaging with? Use that as a label and allow that to change. As I said, I was a leadership advisor because I like the word ‘advisor’ better than ‘coach’. I have never been a life coach. Everybody wants to be that but what does that mean? Look at what outcomes you’re getting. If you want to be a coach, coach to that. For some people, it’s learning how to be a great organic gardener. Be that. It’s okay to label yourself and know you’re not putting yourself in a box you can’t get out of. – Wayne Pernell

Look at the work you’re doing and/or where your passion is. Start engaging in those circles. For me, every time I had an interest and I would follow somebody who is on this path, I would invest in that at the highest level I could. I spent tens of thousands of dollars, sometimes putting it on credit, sometimes wishing and hoping, sometimes scrapping it together all the while knowing that if I invested in me, I would get the return on investment out of that. I was in the inner circles of some of the top gurus and thought leaders out there. I’ve probably played in their playground and learned a lot from them. For me, that’s where I decided to invest on my education. What are these guys doing? How are they doing it? How can I be around them? This goes back to choosing you want to surround yourself with. I choose to be around other people who can invest in themselves at the highest level. There’s nothing wrong with investing at a lower level. Invest at the level you can or that is just a bit out of reach right now and you’ll push yourself to get to that level. If there’s a certification you can earn, go for it. I took an online course from Cornell University so I have a certificate in High Performance Leadership. I am a certified High Performance Coach from the High Performance Institute. I overlay all of that on my experience and my title as a Doctor in Clinical Psychology. Everything you do, stacks. Don’t be afraid to pivot. If you no longer like doing something, go off and learn how to do something else. There’s something called “The gambler’s dilemma.”  When you’ve invested so much in your hand, you usually think it’s I better to keep putting in because you think that hand is hopefully going to pay off at the end. If you no longer love it for real, stop it. If you truly love it, keep investing in it because that’s you growing you and that’s how you do it. – Wayne Pernell

I was actually using money that I had earned from my job so I was building my side hustle, I was all in. Taking time off pissed off my co-workers but I never jeopardized the work I was doing. It made a few people mad and that’s because they could see the exponential, not incremental, growth based on what I was learning. So, I was all in and at the same time I was managing my job. For so many people JOB stands for “Just over Broke.” I suggest managing it while pulling a little bit off so you can save up and invest in yourself so you can leverage that to your next level. Be around people who support you doing that. I didn’t ever want to think that I would be doing this and it was going to take years, I was going to shake the right hands and be at the top of my game. The truth is, it takes years. Here’s the thing, I’m still growing. I have a company called Dynamic Leader Inc., I own another company called “Magic of Dr. P L.L.C”, I have a doctorate, two certifications. Every step of the way got me closer to something. These days, as much as I’m doing breakthrough success coaching, I am also on a path of public speaking. So, my growth area right now is speaking and getting to bigger stages. That’s my growth path. Am I there right now? Not yet. However, I will tell you I’ve been able to speak on a TedEx stage and that’s something. That’s intentional. – Wayne Pernell

Plenty of people think they’re not good enough yet, that they need to do something first and then have the courage to follow their dreams. Those lies will keep you from truly reaching who you are meant to be. That is so important. Yeah, I have five books and one in the works. Did they give me credibility? Absolutely. If you google my name and look \t the news tab you’ll see that I’ve been on the media almost every week for the past year. I’ve been on TV, radio, podcast. Which came first? The intention of helping someone. I intended to help someone and there’s so many different avenues to do that. I have the “One sharp sword” podcast, to cut through what matters most. Which came first? I’ve been doing podcasts in one year. I’ve been writing my “Wednesday’s with Wayne” blogs for almost 4 years. The message is that you, each individual you, you have a voice and a message that somebody else needs to hear. If you worry if somebody’s not going to like it, you are robbing the other people that will. How dare you be selfish with your voice? Your message is necessary. That’s why you’re here. When I started writing, I wasn’t hoping everybody loved my book. I wanted that to happen but I also knew that I wasn’t writing for everybody. My style isn’t right for everybody. I’m okay that people don’t resonate with me. I love it when they do, be my friend, resonate with me, tell me that my writing helped me. If it doesn’t that’s fine. There’s somebody out there and that’s you. Your voice is going to help somebody you’ve never met and that’s the best feeling in the world. The answer to your question is: it doesn’t matter as long as you start. Get your message out there, in a book, blog, rap cd, etc. Just get it out there. – Wayne Pernell

So, it took me a really long time to figure out that the best way to truly be in the world and to build a brand is to not try to be a brand and then try and be yourself. Show up as yourself. There are some days I wear a suit and a jacket and it looks crisp. Other days I may wear a wild paisley shirt. There are days I am in a T-shirt and sweats. That’s me. Go to my YouTube channel, you’ll see me in all kinds of different attire. The brand is really about congruence, be in alignment. Everything changed for me and this happened about fifteen years ago when I stopped trying to be somebody. So, I hope you hear that. I was deep into my career and was still trying to be Dr. Pernell. As soon as I stopped trying to be somebody, I began showing up relaxed, accepted that I know what I know, I’m still learning, I can still help people. As soon as you can become comfortable with you, you’ll get the right people around you. In terms of professional versus personal brand, be congruent. You hear a lot about thought leaders who are so different. They are friendly on stage and off stage they order people around, are not nice. Be a good person on and off stage. Be a good person in your personal brand and personal life. Start there. It that’s messed up, everything will crumble, that’s your foundation. If you’ve got stuff going on that you’re trying to hide from people, you have to clean it up. – Wayne Pernell

A lot of people get discouraged when they don’t get the traction they had hoped for in the beginning. What I would say to them is: “Snap out of that”. Lots of people see the end result, what’s called the highlight reel and don’t see the work that get someone to the top. It’s messy. You start with zero people liking you and you get four people, you think about getting to eight. You may be upset that you don’t have 40 thousand likes. Think about who are you touching, how big you need to be to feel successful. I wrote “Choosing your power” knowing that if I could help one person, then that book is all worth it. “Choosing your power” is about stepping in. If you worry about not being good enough, having few likes, you shouldn’t, stop counting. The other piece to this is to be consistent. I knew that not everybody was going to read my blog when it first came out. People didn’t know it existed. If you don’t know me but look back, you’ll find years of material you can look through. That’s a free resource that’s will keep you inspired. That’s thanks to my consistency. That’s the advice. Snap out of it, stop thinking you’re going to be a huge overnight success because the truth is that it does take time and consistency. Think about who are the people you’re going to help or is it all about how to get rich quick? – Wayne Pernell

It’s a great question. The books behind me actually represent different paths that I went down. I’m pretty good at helping people in their relationships so I have a book called “Relationship recharge” which is a great little tip guide. I am pretty good at leadership so I had this book called “The significance factor” and doing leadership coaching. I am pretty good at mindset work. I wrestled with making the choice of going down the personal development path or the leadership path. How do I do this? The money is in the leadership path. Wouldn’t it be great to hang onto it? On the other hand, I was finding out that the satisfaction was in the personal development. Even when I worked with leaders, I realized that they didn’t get their breakthrough in leadership but when I was helping to shift their thinking to get to their next level so they could guide people. It becomes this blend and you may feel confused. Do you branch out? Keep it narrow? Decide what you’re passionate about. Speak to that. Don’t try to be all things to all people. What I found out was that if I focused on mindset, my audience actually broadens but I’m not talking about car mechanics, sports, or anything I don’t know much about. I can’t enter there. What I can do is help people who are in sports, are car mechanics but I can’t fix a car or hit a baseball very well. I wouldn’t speak to that but I would speak of the mindset of someone who’s successful in sports, business etc. I can speak to that. Think about what your message is and where you’ll get the leverage to lift people the most. This is going to come back to service. Why are you doing what to do? You wake up thinking about money or about the people you want to serve? – Wayne Pernell

Believe it or not, I wake up and I choose to be happy. It is a deliberate choice. I’ve been accused of being way too perky in the morning. I feel every day is a good one and I want to make the most out of it. I wake up looking at the time, saying “Thank you, I’ve been given this day to serve.” “Who am I going to serve and how am I going to serve greatly?” I start my day with shaking off the cobwebs, generally thanking the cosmos that I have this day to serve. Then I think about who’s in my calendar, who do I need to reach out to, what kind of contact, commitment do I make? I feel grateful and honored to be working with people and helping them on their path. The mindset is: “Lift while you lead”, feel grateful. I am a big fan of the absurd so if things go wrong I have a tendency to laugh instead of getting frustrated. There are times I get cranky but it’s about expansion and contraction. If I get cranky I need to withdraw a little bit. Let me take care of me, let me refuel. – Wayne Pernell

Well, I’m trying to think of some of the worst advice I’ve been given. One is: “Make them fear you”. Truly, fear is not the same as respect. Another one is: “Work hard.” I think what happens is people confuse hard work with effectiveness. If you’re busy, your day is full, how effective are you? People will fill their days proving that they’re working hard while wondering why they aren’t getting ahead. The truth is: success is hard work. I would take the “work hard” advice and turn it to “work strategically”. It is hard work, don’t be afraid of that. Just make sure to not give yourself a “hurray” every time you’re busy. Working sixteen hours a day is nonsense. I work intentionally, I work in blocks. There’s no such thing as time management, there’s project management. Those would be the key things I’d push back against. Don’t be afraid of working hard, just don’t confuse it with business. The truth is, when you’re actually in your business and you love it, you never put it away. I work on it all day, I’ll dream about it at night. Start putting processes together and you’ll see things that work, things that need fixing, do content creation. It becomes the thing you do to be effective versus the thing you do to show someone else you’re busy. Just make sure you’re taking action on all those thoughts that are whirling around, keep a journal with you, start writing them down. That’s what I do. Every move I make, I write it down. – Wayne Pernell

All my books are different. I have five books out there and one almost ready to go. The whole idea of putting something out that you’ve got inside of you is a big deal. Just know that there will be critics out there, people who are not going to like what you have to say, how you say it. Your work isn’t for them. That’s the first lesson. Don’t hold back because it’s not perfect. The truth is: it’s not perfect or it may be perfect but has flaws and that’s what makes it perfect. Don’t hold back because you want to make it perfect. Put your voice out there. 

The second is that you have to present your ideas whether in your business, some writing or video. What you have to present will resonate with somebody and that’s the reason you’re doing it. You can’t become an author suddenly. I worked hard to become an author, and to become a number 1 best-selling author. It wasn’t an accident. That wouldn’t have happened if I didn’t start. So, first, start.  My first book is titled “Choosing your Power,” becoming who you deserve to be at home and in the world. I think all of my books resonate with the rootless message for different reasons. – Wayne Pernell

Choosing Your Power is the first step in stopping being apologetic. You can’t hold power and ask permission to hold power. You belong here, your voice belongs here, you need to show up and show people who you are. You are an expert in you, you just don’t have to be pompous about it. I’ve seen that a couple of times. I’ve heard 17-year-olds saying they want to be life coaches. However, they don’t have enough life experience to be a life coach. They could be a great coach and offer perception about what other people are doing. You can be a coach because you don’t have to have played every single game in order to see the steps people are either taking or missing. Choosing Your Power is all about claiming your space. It’s also about what language you use, what relationships you have, how you engage in relationships and some people get that wrong. The whole idea of relationship; “Re” is again, “lation” is to come together and “ship” is the state of.  Recognize that a relationship is a dynamic, not a static thing you experience every day, with yourself, family, team members, community. You can wake up and be who you want to be today just because you decided to be that. There are ten different watch words, and if you take away the top three, eliminate “why,” “but,” and “should” will change your life and your trajectory. – Wayne Pernell

It’s funny, in Choosing Your Power, one of the chapters is called “Not good enough.” You’re not good enough for whom? If you start to compare yourself to other people, you’ll never make any steps. When you’re in the first grade, you wonder why to bother learning math if everybody else knows math better than you do. That’s not how it goes. You need to take the steps to gain your expertise. Other people may have said it but they haven’t said it your way. You’re the expert on you, on your perception. You have a perception that makes a difference. When I say that if you’re 17 or 18 and want to be your life coach you can be one.  You do have a perception that thirty- or 40-year-olds can benefit from. Just don’t be pompous about it. I remember when I was 20, I had to teach my dad how to speak to me. That was me stepping into my power. I told him that he had so much to say to guide me but I couldn’t hear it if he kept telling me what I should do. I taught him to say instead that he had a suggestion and ask me whether I would like to hear it? I was in my twenties and I was teaching my dad who was generations older than I. He was 37 years older. I taught him to communicate in a way that he could be heard. So, my perception as a 20 something was that my dad wanted other people to hear him, he might want to change something. My dad actually heard that. He got that everything wasn’t just his tunnel vision way of seeing things. – Wayne Pernell

The Significance Factor is about there’s so much focus on being an influencer and I am not a fan. It’s not popular for me to stand up and say, “Stop being an influencer, be an ‘outfluencer’.” That’s a name I’ve trademarked. If you think about influence, it’s often about the likes you get. It wasn’t long ago when people were hanging off trains or cliffs to take the perfect picture, doing challenges. It all gets old really fast. What about after you get the likes? Stop counting the likes and start looking at how many people you can impact positively. The significance factor looks at the differences between “success” which is an inward scale of how much you’ve gained versus “significance” which is more of an outward measure of how many lives have you lifted. What is your measure or success? This is what this book is about. – Wayne Pernell

When I wrote my first book, my measure of success was if I could help one person. If that happened, the months or years that went into putting that book together would make all the difference. That’s success to me. I’m happy if I get at least one person writing to me that it was exactly what they needed to hear. It’s a matter of perspective. I work with a lot of people from entrepreneurs to CEOs of major companies to people starting out. Our Rootless Community, you can’t start and assume you’re going to have a fanbase of 40 thousand people. You start with the idea if you can positively lift the life of one other and maybe that person can share what they’ve learned and affect the life of another and another. From there you get this ripple effect. I call it “it starts with one.” Did you lift the life of somebody else? Are you a person of service or is it about needing to do it so that you can have? You need to do it so that your heart sings. When you do it “correctly,” in a way that really lifts other people, there’s an opportunity to make money. The job of an entrepreneur is to keep the business alive, make money and it’s hard. If your values are not aligned with making money, you’re going to hate your life. That’s a terrible life. Sometimes that one is you. It starts with you living your life in an aligned way that you want others to. Start with yourself. That’s one and continue with another and another one. First, it’s the person in the mirror and the next and the next. I think that our society is based on comparison right now and I think that’s dangerous. We look at the perfect body image, perfect bank account. The news now is about Gen Z making half a million $ in labeling their stuff out for Amazon. Here’s a huge message: “If you compare your life to the highlight reel that you see other people online, your life is going to suck because they’re not showing you the hard work to get to that level.” – Wayne Pernell

Every Thursday I clean the cat boxes. That’s my Thursday routine. It’s not the only thing I do. That’s a consistent way of living a life I like. If I don’t take it out on Thursday, it doesn’t get taken away on Friday. Nobody talks about cleaning the kitty litter but that’s part of what happens in your life. You need to buy toilet paper. It’s the small stuff in your life that makes the big stuff easier. – Wayne Pernell

An outfluencer is someone who actively, positively, deliberately lifts the lives of others. If that’s one or multiple others, awesome, you need to act consistently in order to do that. Most people don’t live their lives deliberately. Do you wake up and know who you are and what do you value? No. Most people look at their schedule and don’t realize they own their schedule. If you work for someone else, you know what a certain block of time is but what about the rest of it? You don’t go, grab your phone first thing. Wake up and think about how you can serve greatly? – Wayne Pernell

This is a big question. First of all, if a person says that they don’t care for you and your feelings, I spend zero time with them, my goal is not to change them. Step one, decide if you want to change. If you’re all about yourself and don’t really care, you’ll find yourself very lonely. I tend to spend zero time with that person who will take anything given to him or her and flip it around to be themselves. If they have that little empathy and ability to connect, I don’t actually want to be around them, it wastes too much energy. If it’s an exchange, it’s different. Some days you may not want to be around people. How do you snap out of that? There are two answers to that. My father passed away recently and there were certain days I didn’t want to be around people. I canceled meetings, cleared my calendar. I’m usually pretty gregarious, sociable. Take the time, allow yourself to spend time on you. It doesn’t have to be a death in the family to make that happen. I know for me; I can spend four days being around people but I need one day off to read a book and pet the cat or dog. That’s awesome, refuel. The other part of that, deep down you may feel like you can’t figure out what’s going on, you feel like you’re in a funk and every time you turn around, there is more bad news on TV. What happens there is that you’re allowing the negativity around you to feed your subconscious and all you’ll be seeing is negativity. This is where my area as a breakthrough coach ideal, when I deal with mindset, comes in big time. You have to be very careful to protect what’s coming in. Shut off the

TV, shut down Facebook, your “news sources” and think about what do you have to be grateful for? A lot of people ask what the top three things are that they should be grateful for. I push that, I make my clients write down 50 of them. By the end of the list, they may say that they’re grateful for the ink of the pen they’re writing with. When you start being grateful for the small things, the big things seem like miracles. It’s really fantastic and that is a mindset shift, it’s a big one because we forget, we take things for granted. Take an inventory of everything you’re grateful for. It’s not about comparing it with the less fortunate, it’s about your life. What you have are actual blessings. What about the negative things that’s going on? Your feeling doesn’t change the stuff that happens but your feeling good can change the vibrations around it so more positive things can happen. That’s what the power is. Look for signs that it’s time. You may have known for a while that is time to make a change but maybe not have known what it was. 

There was a period of time where my life was not so great. I woke up every day and the first two words out of my mouth were swear words. One day, I was in traffic on the way to work, stopping and going over and over again until I rear-ended a trash truck. That was my sign, I had to start now. The hood of my car was wrecked and it happened because I wasn’t paying attention and hit a trash truck. It felt like I was literally running my life into trash. That was a message to wake up. At that point I started shooting resumes out, I got to change a lot of things in my life. It was an amazing time for me because as luck or fate would have it, my boss asked me to take a meeting with someone because he didn’t want to and I realized the person I had the meeting with had my resume on her desk. So, I took the meeting and said that it was a great meeting and said I wanted to talk further and I ended up getting that job. It was like they had pre-interviewed me and it was an easy transition. When your intention is clear, when you start to wake up, follow the signs, be clear about what you want. – Wayne Pernell

The third book is called Dynamic Transitions. I asked a question in a room of 100 people about how many of them were in any kind of transition, in their relationship, career, financial status, connection with spirit. So, 99 people out of 100 raised their hands and the hundredth guy hadn’t heard the question. So, 100% of us are in transition all the time. That’s what is important to realize. Saying that the only constant is change is scary, big and nebulous. If you think that you’re in transition to your next best self, that puts you back in control. Who do you want to become is the next big thing. If you know where you’re headed, the only thing you have to do is set out on that route before starting to get feedback on how to correct that path. Who you want to become is based on value. If you think about that you valued ten years ago is not what you value now. Your personal values of love, family, integrity, etc. probably stayed with you but the peripheral values are different now. Those are changing. – Wayne Pernell

Every time you do that, you convince yourself that you’re not worthy of making your own changes. You’re going to hate your life when you’re 40 if that’s the way you’re doing it. If you make changes based on what other people think and validate it based on the opinions of others, it’s not going to work. A lot of my senior vice presidents who are in their 50s and 60s, the work they’re doing now is to undo the rules they heard as stories as kids. Pay attention to the voice in your head: is it yours or is it your parent’s, teacher’s, clergy member? It can be a misguided good intention but bad advice or good advice on the moment that you hung up to. When you think about it, the rules that you have learned were there to keep you alive when you were little. A lot of times you hang on those as rules of life in general and they’re not, they’re survival rules. Some people have been raised in abusive households, mentally or physically. The rules of survival in that household are not the rules of survival in the world. Allow those skills that you’ve learned to serve you. People who came up in some kinds of abusive households are really great at being intuitive. Allow that to serve you but don’t be paranoid, thinking everybody is going to harm you in some way. Don’t hang on others’ validations. – Wayne Pernell

This is a very heart-based question. What happens is that you will disappoint somebody. You have to decide what’s the relative value for you? Do you live your life for someone else because you need their approval or do you live for yourself because you’re learning, you’re going to make your mistakes, you don’t need their approval any longer? If you want to make your parents proud, that’s awesome. Can you make yourself proud and watch them applaud you or cut themselves off from you? If you can live your life in a way that is congruent for you, will you be burning bridges? You have to decide if that’s worth it. The reality is that you probably won’t be burning bridges. I wanted to make my dad proud for so long but as soon as I stopped living into his expectations and started living into mine, I actually made that happen. He kept asking if I had tried what he wanted for me and I told him that it wasn’t my path. That’s when our conversations shifted. He developed respect for me and finally told me he was proud of me. The more I gave in to what he wanted and expected, the more I had started to become his “servant” at least psychically. There is no way of making somebody proud by doing everything they told you to do. That’s now how it works. Making them proud of who you’ve become is the message. You must have faith that you’re becoming who you’re meant to be. Dynamic Transitions is about figuring out you valued, what you currently value and looking ahead. Who do you want to become? Do you want to be identical to your dad? No, nobody ever said that. Everybody wants to become their own person. Here’s what most people don’t do. They don’t know what that one person values; you need to take on those values now and you can begin to live into those values so that you can develop yourself step by step to become that person. You start internally by asking yourself what do you value and live congruent with those values. I do a great exercise with a lot of my clients: Pick a superhero. What are the traits that you really like about that superhero? If you write down 4 or 5 traits of that superhero, the question is: can you live into those? You may want to show up big, fight for the right thing, live your life in integrity, in discernment, know what’s right. It took my forever. In my twenties, that was one of the things I prayed for, I didn’t know what was right. I had a feeling of what’s right but didn’t know whether I was on the right path or not. You get discernment by taking the steps down one path or the other. You can’t get discernment by standing still. So, what traits do you want to take on? If you want to make decisions fast, practice it. If you want to discern right from wrong, take a step, you’ll know. If you want to show up big, dare to have a voice. – Wayne Pernell

The absolute must is congruency. You’ve got to know your values, what you value and you’ve got to live into them and embody them. If you have a positive mindset, you know what’s in and what’s out and whether you can hold yourself accountable. Generosity of spirit, generosity in lifting others, being inspirational, being clear, having communication and staying curious are important. That’s what I call the magic of leadership: mindset, accountability, generosity, inspiration, clarity, communication and curiosity. It starts with deciding what do you value and how clear can you be about that? – Wayne Pernell

My sixth book is called The Magic of Leadership. It covers those areas I just talked about, that is my new keynote. That’s where I’m headed. I’m headed to big stages; I have a retreat coming up and I’m so excited. You can join me on my 8-session online group over the course of three months called “Powerful Presence.” Stay tuned for “Choosing Your Power” online course, I’ve shot 46 videos. We’re moments away from launching. I also have a blog called “Wednesdays with Wayne”; a podcast called “One Sharp Sword” where I cut through to what matters most. I write my blogs the way I want to read it. It’s less than one minute to read. Hopefully, it makes you feel inspired and that’s my goal. – Wayne Pernell